September 2020 – Khaosongkum

12 Things I Wish I Could Tell My Single Self






Source: @stephanietrotta

Let me introduce you to a much younger, more fun, and less stable version of me: Single Josie. I always prioritized my life and my friends over boys, no matter what stage of life I was in (good job, single Jo!), but I had my fair share of staying up late to text with boys who weren’t worth my time, keeping up with ex-boyfriends I didn’t even want a future with, and even lusting after the occasional douche here and there (don’t we all fall victim to a douchebag every now and again?).

Five months spent in Paris ended up changing the entire trajectory of my life for more reasons than one (quick personal apology to my coworkers who have to listen to me say this one time when I studied abroad in ~Paris~ about three times a day). It was the first time in my life I really, truly discovered who I was, in the most Carrie-Bradshaw-cliché way possible. Before coming to Paris, I pictured I would start up a love affair with a frenchman who would say romantic things to me in adorable broken english while baking soufflé au chocolat (a girl can dream, right?). Spoiler alert: that is not what happened (though that sounds like a killer rom-com premise).

Instead, I spent every day in French classes and working at ELLE magazine, an internship I had longed for all my life. I spent every evening exploring the city by myself, sitting in cafes and people watching with a glass of wine and a croque monsieur. I traveled every weekend, sometimes on my own. I started to know myself in a way I never had before. And then a funny thing happened: despite my swearing off relationships, a cute baseball player from back home had been reaching out to me. Near the end of my time in Paris, his persistence finally wore me down and I decided to respond.

A Facebook conversation turned into phone calls for hours, and phone calls turned into mailing gifts, and before I knew it, I was head over heels before I even crossed the Atlantic to come back home. I traded in a frenchman for a baseball player, and years later, I swear it’s because of the ways I got to know what I really wanted during my alone time in Paris. The End. Thank you for reading my memoir, I’m hoping it becomes an Eat, Pray, Love kind of best-seller and maybe Julia Roberts will play me in the movie adaptation, but I’m just spit-balling.

While I still have much to learn in my life, looking back at the girl who was drinking a little bit too much punch at frat houses (relatable me) or crying in a Paris métro station because she couldn’t find which train took her to the Champs-Élysées (bougie me), here are the 12 things I wish I could tell my single self, and maybe you’d want to tell your single self too:

 

1. Your relationship status is the least of your problems.

Not to be such a Debbie Downer, but guess what, single Josie: you’ve got a lot more to worry about than which frat guy you should bring to formal. Your young adult life will bring a lot of major changes that will be bigger than the box you check under “relationship status.” You’ll want to find a career that fulfills you, feel financially stable enough to do so, and move across the country multiple times to find the place you’re meant to be. Enjoy your life, laugh a lot, and have a whole lot of fun, but spend more time figuring out how to create a life that will fulfill you more than you spend swiping through Bumble. You have the rest of your life to be in love. For now, just be in love with your life.

 

2. When you feel lack of something, give it.

It may sound counterintuitive to give away whatever you feel is lacking from your life, but it’s the secret to filling voids that I wish I had learned sooner. Feeling a lack of something—whether it’s time, money, support, or love—is all mental, no matter what. It’s a glass-half-empty situation: realizing you have enough water (or Pinot Grigio!) to give some away will show you it’s half-full instead. If you’re constantly stressed about not having enough money to buy the expensive skincare treatments you want or go out to the nice restaurants with your friends every week, consider donating $5 a month to a charity that needs your money more than expensive skincare treatments or nice restaurants do. You’ll start to focus on what you do have.

Likewise, during those moments where you leave a bad date feeling hopeless or lay in bed at night feeling lonely, give love instead of wishing you had it. Call your mom and tell her how much you love her, ask a friend that’s struggling how she’s doing, or better yet, stand in front of the mirror and compliment all the things you admire about yourself, knowing self-love is the most worthwhile kind of love to give.

 

3. Invest your time, don’t just spend it.

Also like money, some people are naturally investors and some are spenders. We often think of time as something to spend: spending the day going to work, spending the night going out with friends, spending an hour taking a nap (because who doesn’t need a nap?). But instead of thinking of spending time between relationships, think of how you can invest your time to become the person you want to be when you do find the right relationship. More importantly, invest your time so that you’re not waiting to find the right relationship. Think of every moment as something you could be doing for your future self, whether it’s learning a new skill or working on building up your friendships. Just like financial investing, you’ll be buying yourself more time to spend later.

 





Source: Bruce Mars | Pexels

 

4. Take note of the moments that make you feel unsafe.

We are all strong, confident, capable women (duh). Spending the time alone that you need to spend, whether it’s traveling or being alone in your own city is necessary, but can also put you in situations that give you that uh-oh feeling in your gut. No matter how much you try to protect yourself when you’re alone like your mom and Freshmen Seminar taught you, you’ll still have consistent moments where you’ll be wearing a scarf and jacket and the Uber driver will say something to you that makes you feel like no amount of layers is enough.

You’ll have moments where a stranger on the Paris Métro looks at you in broad daylight in a way that makes you uncomfortable in your own skin. There will be times that someone will not take no for an answer, and something so momentary will feel so scary for the rest of your life. As painful as these moments are, or as normal as they feel, take note of them all. Use them to feel empowered when you’re alone. And when you notice them enough, “gentle” will show up on your list of who you let love you, even above handsome or funny (but don’t worry. You’ll get all three).

 

5. Cut it off with your ex-boyfriend already!

There’s a lot of reasons we stick around with the people we know are not good for us. Maybe they’re a security blanket, maybe you’re worried you won’t find love again, or maybe you’re subconsciously seeking their approval. For me, it was too much time and history that felt like a lot to give up, even if I knew I’d give it up for something better. It just felt easier to gradually grow apart. As you can imagine, breakups don’t work like that, and it caused a lot more pain in the end. No matter the reason the wrong person is still in your life, as soon as you realize they’re not the one for you, that should be the end of it, not the beginning of the end. Know what you deserve, be honest with yourself and the other person, and don’t settle to avoid pain. Bonus tip: unfollow on social media. Just do it!

 

6. Let your friends fill the lonely spots.

I’ve always been a girl’s girl. All of the boyfriends and guy friends in the world can’t compare to the connection I have with my female friends. But friends to me have always just been people to have fun with; I’m not good at opening up or depending on them. But my college roommate became my family as she cried with me through things like a breakup and the death of a family member, and more importantly, becoming my inherent plus one and other half to the point where I still want to tell her whenever something’s wrong.

If anything, this flashback is a lesson in depending on people. I wish I had been more vulnerable in non-romantic relationships, because I learned that good female friendships really do fill the lonely spots. Also, Single Josie, you’re currently obsessed with Carrie Bradshaw’s wardrobe and job, but when she says “maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates,” take note of that too. Even with as happy as I feel in my relationship now, I do wish I realized then that sometimes happiness is not a whirlwind romance. Sometimes happiness is a trashy show, a whole lot of takeout, and the kind of best friend you make the effort to keep for a lifetime.

 

7. Dating is about finding out what you want (and it’s supposed to be fun!)

Let’s make one thing clear: single Josie and in-a-relationship Josie has always been good at keeping high standards. But there were times when I got more caught up in being wanted that I didn’t even think about what I wanted out of someone else. Dating is supposed to be about finding what you want, not becoming what someone else wants. Oh yeah, and don’t take it so seriously! Some people will like you and some people won’t. No matter if a second date follows, it should be fun meeting new people. If it’s not, take a break from dating to reflect on what you’re really looking for in your dating life: is it to feed your own ego and heal an insecurity, or are you actually looking for a partner?

 

8. When you meet the right person, you build the relationship you want, it doesn’t just happen to you.

I’ve learned a lot about what a “soulmate” means since I was last single. To go back to those aforementioned high standards, I truly believed my perfect match would know how to ballroom dance, never get frustrated by me, and love poetry as much as I did (if he’s the one perfect person out there for me, he must!). I only considered seriously dating people with certain and extremely specific characteristics (AKA no one), as if I could create my own soulmate like a computer game (can’t The Sims just be real life!?).

But when you find someone who gets you and loves you more than you even knew to add to your list of high expectations, you realize the other things don’t matter. You trust them and their love for you enough to grow the kind of relationship you’ve always wanted together. So don’t write someone off because they don’t play guitar or have never been to Europe. The right person will support who you are and what you want out of life, so sign up for ballroom lessons and book an Italian vacation together. You both build the relationship you want, but you can’t (and shouldn’t want to!) change the person.

 





Source: Raw Pixel | Pexels

 

9. “No” is a complete sentence

Inherently, I’m what some would call a “people-pleaser” and what the honest of us would call a “pushover.” I spent much of my dating life feeling bad about people’s feelings and cradling men’s egos. I came up with excuses like “I have a boyfriend” rather than “I’m not interested” to persistent men at bars, and spent too much time texting back boys I didn’t want to talk to, just so I wouldn’t hurt their feelings. I wish I could tell single Josie that one day, she will find strength, rather than silence, in her dominant empathy. Until then, work on saying no when you mean no.

 

10. Focus on growing so much that you crave the feeling of trying something new

Change used to be much harder for me. It affected my dating life because I resisted putting myself out of my comfort zone and didn’t try new things if I could help it. Not only did this prevent me from meeting new people, but more importantly, it prevented me from being my best self. No matter what, focus on growing so much that change becomes your comfort zone. The little things every day make a difference: ordering a new drink at the bar, reading a different kind of book than you’re used to, trying a workout class you’ve never done, and talking to people you’ve never met.

 

11. Eat the damn pastry!

I’ve never considered myself to be insecure, but looking back on my life, there have been a lot of foods I didn’t eat and a lot of unhealthy meals I regretted eating. I want to hug 20-year-old me and tell her she’s perfect just the way she is, like all those American Girl puberty books tried to tell me over a decade ago. I also wish I could tell her the stress about eating is worse for her body than any piece of pizza or cone of ice cream, and her worthiness of love has nothing to do with her weight or what she eats. Enjoy every bite of your life, and eat with mindfulness instead of insecurity. No matter what magazines or lingerie ads tell us, confidence will always be more attractive than however we look.

 

12. Wait for a love that feels like a fairytale.

When you’re looking for a relationship, it’s tempting to romanticize the people you meet or stick around with someone that has some endearing qualities, hoping that it works out because you don’t want to be alone. But I promise, you’ll be so much happier enjoying alone time than being in the wrong relationship. You’ll learn one day, Single Me, that love will only be worth having when it feels like a fairy tale. Not a Cinderella story, per se (I definitely do not want to lose a good pair of shoes!), but it will feel too good to be true. 

This person truly loves the you that you love; they’ll think it’s hilarious and cute when you’re on your period and crying while watching reality shows, and they’ll do a lot of unromantic things for you every day that make you smile. You’ll get into disagreements, but they’ll care more about how you feel than about being right. They may not have a horse and carriage (à la Prince Charming), but seeing them will feel like coming home after a long day. Doesn’t that sound like a much better fairy tale? Dear Single Josie, for all the wrong you go through, one day there will be a right that makes all the wrongs worth it. Don’t settle for less, and enjoy your life while you’re not settling.

 

5 Things My Therapist Taught Me About Self-Love

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Nordstrom Anniversary Sale Pieces Worth Splurging On

The Everygirl’s product selections are curated by the editorial team. If you buy something through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission, at no cost to you. We only recommend products we genuinely love.






Source: Jordan McDonnell for The Everygirl

If you’ve read any of my past articles, you would know that there’s nothing I love more than shopping on a budget. I love a good dupe as much as I love rewatching New Girl for the 100th time—and that’s saying something. However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t also appreciate a little splurge every now and then—and the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale is the perfect time for that.

One of the main reasons I love the Nordstrom sale is that I can find items that make great investment pieces but still get a great deal on them. You can find anything from classic items that everyone should have in their closet to wish list items you’ve been eyeing for a while. But more than anything else, the sale is the perfect time to invest in great coats, shoes, and accessories that you know you’ll wear for years to come. 

Here are 18 of the best Nordstrom Sale items that I think are worth splurging on (go ahead, treat yourself!):





MARC FISHER

Padmia Chelsea Boot, $99.90

I own a black pair of chunky boots that are very similar to this, and I’ve been wanting a white or cream pair since last fall. So when I saw these, I added them to my wish list immediately. The color is perfect, and Marc Fisher boots are known to be high quality.

3 colors available

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MARC FISHER

Pointed Toe Bootie, $129.90

Everyone needs a pair of pointed-toe black booties, and this cult-favorite option is absolutely perfect. They go with everything, look super chic, and are high quality. I seriously live in black booties for fall and winter, so if any shoe is worth splurging on, it would be these.

4 colors available

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TORY BURCH

Chelsea Lug Bootie, $249.90

At over $100 off, these boots are an insane deal. I think that the style and material of these are absolutely stunning, and they would make a great addition to anyone’s wardrobe. I own very few designer pieces, but I would definitely consider purchasing these.

2 colors available

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FRANCO SARTO

Stevie Bootie, $109.90

These mid-calf boots caught my eye immediately during my first scroll of the sale preview. I love how unique they are, but they’re still classic enough that I would wear them in other seasons.

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Nike

Air Zoom Pegasus 38 Running Shoes, $89.90

We’ve all been at the point where the only sneakers we own are basically falling apart. This all-white pair is not only great for running/working out, it’s also the perfect way to round out a chic athleisure look.

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Nordstrom

Collar Textured Coat, $109.90

The coat selection is always the first thing I like to browse through during this sale. I believe that classic coats are one of the few items that are definitely worth an investment because you know that you can keep them for years. I love that this one is a classic silhouette, but the muted blue makes it a little bit unique.

2 colors available

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HALOGEN

Double Face Wool Coat, $129.90

All three colors of this coat are absolutely stunning, but I especially love this charcoal gray color because it’s neutral but different from tan or black. You might be heading back to the office soon, so this coat is a perfect addition to your workwear wardrobe.

3 colors available

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SPANX

Faux Leather Leggings, $64.90

Our team can’t stop talking about these leggings, but for good reason. They’re one of the most versatile pieces of clothing ever—you can dress them up and wear them out or on a dinner date, or you can wear them with an athleisure look for ultimate cool-girl vibes. If you don’t have a pair yet, now’s the time; you won’t see another price this low all season long.

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Nike

Fleece Hoodie, $48.90

I’ve seen this hoodie all over Instagram, so I’m thinking it might finally be time to get one for myself. It’s super versatile, and I feel like it would be one of those “nice hoodies” that you would feel cool in (please say other people have this feeling too?).

3 colors available

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Beyond Yoga

Square Neck Crop Tank, $45.90

I’ve had my eye on Beyond Yoga for years—I’ve heard nothing but good things about how great the quality is and how soft the material is. This cropped square-neck tank is super flattering, and there’s nothing I love more than when I don’t have to wear a sports bra and a top to work out.

2 colors available

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Beyond Yoga

High Waist Leggings, $62.90

Who doesn’t love a matching set? At over $30 off, there’s no better time than now to treat yourself to a cute new workout outfit. I always tell myself that I’m much more motivated to work out when I have a cute outfit to wear, and this set definitely fits that bill.

3 colors available

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TRUE & CO.

V-Neck Bralette, $37.90

I live in True & Co. bras, so I was beyond excited to see them in the sale. As someone with a larger chest, the bras I own from their True Body Lift line are some of the only wireless ones I own that are actually supportive. The soft, buttery material makes them perfect for wearing out and about or at home.

5 colors available

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RAY-BAN

State Street Square Sunglasses, $99.90

I’ve been seeing people wearing this style of Ray-Bans for a little while now, and I think they’re so cute and different. The silhouette is unique, but they’re classic enough that you know you’ll wear them for years to come.

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Coach

Pebble Leather Crossbody Bag, $199.90

Coach has made a serious comeback in the last year or so (I have a bag and I’m obsessed), so what better time than now to grab one for yourself? It’s the perfect mid-range price point for leather goods that makes you feel like it’s a special treat but doesn’t give you insane sticker shock.

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Bony Levy

14K Gold Set of 2 Earrings, $185.90

If you’re like me and only buy super cheap jewelry that tends to wear and tarnish, it might be time for us to take it up a notch. This set of two pairs of earrings is 14K gold, which is something I rarely see go on sale. It might seem like a high price tag now, but I think these everyday earrings would stand the test of time and save you money in the long run.

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Argento Vivo

Herringbone Chain Necklace, $49.90

Argento Vivo jewelry is high quality at a mid-range price point. I love this gold herringbone chain necklace because it’s definitely a wardrobe staple that I don’t think is going out of style anytime soon, so I believe it’s worth spending a little extra on.

2 colors available

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Boy Smells

Late Bloomer Votive Candle Set, $56.00

Boy Smells is another brand that I’ve had my eye on forever. Not only is their branding insanely cute, but they also have a ton of unique scents that would make for a perfect addition to any room. Since you can’t smell a candle when shopping online, this set of votives is a great way to test them all out.

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Barefoot Dreams

CozyChic Throw Blanket, $97.90

I’ve been lusting after a Barefoot Dreams blanket for years, but I can never bring myself to shell out the $150. I own a robe, so I just know that this material cannot be duped. If I ever was going to take the plunge and buy one, it would definitely be from the Nordstrom Sale because the sale price can’t be beat.

10+ colors available

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What Our Editors Are Buying From the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale
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7 Home Styling Tips We Learned From Studio McGee

The Everygirl’s product selections are curated by the editorial team. If you buy something through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission, at no cost to you. We only recommend products we genuinely love.






Source: Studio McGee | @studiomcgee

Seven years ago, the (remarkably beautiful) couple behind Studio McGee sold their California home to chart a new path: starting their own interior design business. Since then, they’ve acquired 3 million Instagram followers, launched a home goods line with Target, and shared enough drop-dead gorgeous interior photos to keep us mesmerized for days.

Thanks to Shea McGee’s signature style, I can almost instantly spot a Studio McGee image on my Instagram feed. The designs have a clean yet collected vibe, which manages to effortlessly balance laid-back, California style with sophisticated and luxurious details.

Ahead, we’re sharing the seven home styling tips we’ve learned from Studio McGee since we first started fangirling all those years ago.

 

1. Mix masculine and feminine details

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Balance can always be found in a room designed by Studio McGee, and juxtaposing masculine and feminine details is a trend you’ll find throughout their projects. Try layering moody leathers with light and airy linen, or soft, vintage floral rugs with wood accent tables.

 

2. Forgo the furniture set

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As tempting as it is to head to your nearest big-box furniture store and order a furniture package in one fell swoop, Studio McGee’s room designs will be your greatest incentive to resist. As the team shares in this blog post, mixing styles of furniture offers a more thoughtful aesthetic, and also allows you to combine investment pieces with budget finds to create a balanced room that suits your individual budget.

 

3. Make the entryway a moment

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The entryway is often overlooked in favor of higher priority rooms like the living space and primary bedroom, but Studio McGee’s entryways will give you pause for this approach. Instead, focus on making your entry a feature with an accent table, lighting, and a few simple, functional accessories. Its smaller footprint will make it a quick and inexpensive project, which means you’ll get to enjoy the fruits of your labor in no time.

 

4. Contrast is key

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While most Studio McGee rooms can be found decorated in a neutral color palette, contrast remains a highly utilized element. Pairing light and dark features against one another adds interest and depth, as seen here in this light-filled kitchen with moody, black kitchen cabinetry.

 

5. Wall-to-wall carpet is not the enemy

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A post shared by Studio McGee (@studiomcgee)

Admittedly, we feel like we’ve been sleeping on wall-to-wall carpet as a bonafide interior design feature. For a more high-end feel, opt for carpet that’s looped rather than cut, which will offer a textural element to your space that is reminiscent of sisal or jute. We particularly love this styling tip for bedrooms—after all, whose tootsies want to wake up to chilly flooring first thing in the morning?

 

6. When in doubt, add greenery

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A quick scroll through the Studio McGee Instagram feed will leave you hard-pressed to find an image without a bundle of greenery on a tabletop, or even an actual tree tucked away into a corner. This finishing touch infuses literal life into each space, thanks to a hearty injection of color and texture. It can also be a super budget-friendly hack—just head to your backyard for a few extra tree clippings that will make all the difference when styled in an oversized vase on your coffee table.

 

7. Utilize textiles for pattern and color

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The Studio McGee team almost always opts for neutral furniture staples, while allowing accent textiles (i.e. throw pillows and blankets) to bring in added patterns and pops of color. As a budget decorator myself, I greatly appreciate this rule-of-thumb since it means I get more longevity and versatility from my furnishings and investment pieces. Moral of the story: You can never underestimate what a difference details and accessories can make in a room.

 

GET THE LOOK

 





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Lovers Knot Doormat

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Sketch Art Print

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Striped Rug

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Metal Floor Lamp

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Wooden Bead Garland

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Persian Style Rug

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Artificial Fern

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Woven Pillow

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Diamond Persian Rug

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Gray Rattan Basket

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Glass Jar Candle

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Weathered Jug Vase

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Woven Striped Throw Pillow

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Jute Cotton Area Rug

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Metal Sconce Wall Light

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