Khaosongkum – Page 2

Laurie Segall Is Bringing Humanity Back to the Forefront of Journalism

A smiling woman wearing read and seated on a couch

“Real Women, Real Work” is a Darling series about everyday women who work in various fields including business, entertainment, science and education. We want to get to know the WHY behind their WHAT and get an inside look into different industries.

In an increasingly fractured social and political climate, “60 Minutes+” correspondent, Laurie Segall has never been more passionate about the field of journalism. Segall has often found herself at the forefront of covering what’s next in emerging technology. It’s no surprise that she’s among the founding cohort of correspondents for the new streaming edition of the iconic CBS News magazine “60 Minutes.” In recent years, the media titan has also launched her own entertainment company called Dot Dot Dot Media that is devoted to exploring the intersection of tech and humanity. 

The platform connects the dots between technology and detailed storytelling (both written and audio) while seeking to humanize the media sector. Dot Dot Dot media explores topics like mental health, relationships, ethics and the unintended consequences of technology in our daily lives. 

These common threads have inspired the topics and issues she’s covered as a journalist. Since March, Laurie and her team at “60 Minutes+” have covered extremist groups, virtual spaces where people are living and now buying homes and uncovering how radicalization happens over the Internet. Laurie’s greatest motivation is to approach these complex stories and people with nuance and empathy. 

Darling got to chat with Laurie about her busy career in media and why she is passionate about telling complex and sometimes difficult stories. She shared with us details about her reporting, her upcoming book and her perspective on the media landscape.

What was the moment when you knew you wanted to be a reporter?

I’ve always been drawn to “corner stories”the stories no one paid attention to. I had a column in the school newspaper called “Spotlight” that focused on shining a light on people who readers might not be familiar with. I once interviewed Coach Red, the school’s track coach who was well into his 80s at the time. He lit up when discussing his wife, how they met for the first time and what it was like fighting in World War II. As we neared the end of the interview, he revealed his latest battle: Parkinson’s Disease. 

It was just the two of us, a pen and paper. He began crying. Here was an inspiring human who’d fought in the war, who had an incredible love story and was now staring at his own mortality while taking on a new battle. It was raw and real. It was the most meaningful conversation I’d had with an adult while at the newspaper, and the lightbulb went off. Getting people to open up and share their perspective became something that lit a fire in me. 

Getting people to open up and share their perspective became something that lit a fire in me. 

A woman recording a news segmentWere there any mishaps early on in your career as a reporter? What were some lessons you learned from them?

Failure is a necessary ingredient to success. I’ve experienced quite a bit of it. 

My career at CNN was an untraditional one. I began at the bottom of the food chain and eventually became the senior on-air technology correspondent. I was a total rookie when I had my first on-air experience. I was terrified. I had no background in local news and my first time in front of the camera was on national television. I took a deep breath, sat in the same seat I used to bring guests to sit in as a news assistant and went for it.

When I was done with my segment, I was relieved and proud I hadn’t become an accidental YouTube sensation. I raced upstairs to my boss who smiled and held up eight fingers. “Eight?” I questioned. “Yes,” he replied. “Eight times you said ‘you know’ on air.” I was mortified.

Apparently, my nerves had come across very clearly during the segment. As hard as it was to hear, it was helpful. I realized what a gift that honest feedback is. 

So I kept going. I appeared on air more, and the nerves eased. Eventually, I was able to be myself on camera. It always looked easy from afar, but the truth is it took repetition and putting myself out there to fail in order to get better and feel like my authentic self on television.  

In today’s social media age, some might argue that technology often dehumanizes. How is Dot Dot Dot Media changing this narrative?

Technology can have a dehumanizing impact. It’s part of why I created Dot Dot Dot Media. I was and continue to be determined to use technology to explore the human condition. The shows we are working on are all a bit out there and deal with incredibly human concepts: death, love and mental health. We don’t get to separate ourselves from tech anymore. It’s another layer of our skin. I think the best thing we can do is figure out how to have human conversations around technology’s impact. 

We launched an audio show on Clubhouse on Tuesday evenings this summer, and our latest episode was called “QAnon Therapy.” It was devoted to people who’ve lost touch with family and friends who’ve fallen victim to conspiracies and gone down the rabbit hole on the Internet. It was powerful to use technology as a medium to bring people together. I believe in nuance and empathy when having these conversations. These concepts often get lost in the quick world of media. We emphasize them at Dot Dot Dot, whether it’s in the shows we’re developing or any of the content we’re creating.

I believe in nuance and empathy when having these conversations. These concepts often get lost in the quick world of media.

A woman wearing a mask and wearing military garb outsideCourtesy of CBS News

As a technology reporter, what has been the most surprising connection you’ve found between tech and mental health?

There’s a reason your app notifications are a certain color. They trigger something in the brain. This is intentional by design.

We also have been spending an incredible amount of time on video calls now, much more than we did more than a year ago. Ever wonder why you’re exhausted after a day of video calls?

Researchers at Stanford University have been studying this feeling, and they say that one of the reasons we feel so tired is intense eye contact. When we used to have meetings in person, we’d be spread out around a table. There were never just multiple faces staring directly at you from six inches away. What you’re experiencing when you feel exhausted after these meetings is called “hyper gaze.”

In video calls, you’re almost required to stare at all these faces to signal you’re paying attentionand they appear to be staring backeven if they’re looking at someone else. This is where it gets interesting. Your brain perceives this type of intense eye-contact as a precursor to a fight or an intimate encounter. Your brain sees all these faces and goes on high alert. Essentially, it’s ready to jump into action. However, being on high alert creates stress and that is why you feel like you haven’t moved, but you’re exhausted. It’s really fascinating to take a step back and look at tech’s direct impact on our brains.

What’s next in the world of emerging tech?

The pandemic accelerated quite a bit of tech trends and completely opened the door for new industries. I’m fascinated by the concept of what’s called the metaverse. It’s this idea that one day we will spend part of our time in a combination of the physical world and the virtual world.

 It feels like we are entering a new era of the Internet. We all spent so much time immersed in our computers over the last year and a half and became even more comfortable living a digital existence, which made the concept of “the metaverse” more tangible.

In one of my recent stories for 60 Minutes+, we explored the concept. It’s like the movie Ready Player One. Increasingly, people are spending time in virtual worlds (for example: Fortnite, Roblox, Decentraland). A good example is the rapper Travis Scott who hosted a concert on Fortnite during the pandemic. Twenty-seven million people participated. Facebook is working on its own version of the metaverse as are many other companies. People are now building lives, socializing and spending money in these places, which will only get more interesting as augmented reality becomes more integrated into our everyday lives.

Today, you are also a correspondent for 60 Minutes+. What does a typical day on such a high-profile job look like?

One of my favorite parts of the job is that every day is completely different. One day, I’m at a QAnon convention in Florida talking to people about their beliefs and trying to understand why so many people are falling into conspiracies. A couple weeks later, I’m in a home in rural Michigan, talking to members of an extremist group called the Boogaloo Boys as they load their guns in preparation to attend a protest. A month later, I’m sitting across from a former member of one of the most dangerous white supremacist groups talking about radicalization. The Internet is the common thread in many of these stories and how I approach them.  

I also run my company, Dot Dot Dot Media. On any given day, we are on video calls working on shows we have in development or planning our next audio show. I’m happy to say I just finished my book, “Special Characters: My Adventures with Tech’s Titan’s and Misfits.” I’ve spent my free time lurking at New York City coffee shops as they started reopening during the pandemic and writing about the last decade of tech innovation and the adventures that came along my journey of riding the startup wave to the top at CNN.

If there’s one thing that motivates and drives you as a journalist, what would it be?

Curiosity. I have always been curious about people ever since I started writing profiles in high school. I am a naturally curious person. While I’m a bit of an introvert, I love people and sharing their stories, especially the complicated ones. 

I love people and sharing their stories, especially the complicated ones. 

After the unprecedented events of 2020 and 2021, what would you say to someone who is apathetic toward the media and is disengaged?

I get it. Seriously, it’s exhausting. There’s so much noise. People on all sides are shouting, and it’s hard to really listen. It’s difficult for nuanced conversations to break through. Algorithms are optimized for polarization, and often, the more we scroll or watch, the more anxious we become. 

As someone in the media, I would say I hear you and understand you, but (and of course, there’s a but), authentic storytelling and bursting your own bubble has never been more important. Take the time to find sources of media that challenge and stretch you. Listen to new voices. We don’t just get to bow out. If there’s anything these last years have taught us, it’s how important it is to be civically engaged and to be a part of the dialogue. Apathy is a bad ingredient to mix in with a world that needs a lot of work. 

A reporter with a mask talking to a man with glassesCourtesy of CBS News

In the age of misinformation, what advice would you give the young woman interested in pursuing a similar career path in journalism?

If you are interested in pursuing a career in journalism, be scrappy. I was always scrappy. I was willing to mop the floors for my first gig. People who are willing to get creative when one door shutsand many will in this industrywho refuse to give up and who are willing to do the unpopular tasks are the ones who get ahead. 

People who are willing to get creative when one door shuts, who refuse to give up and who are willing to do the unpopular tasks are the ones who get ahead. 

Remember to ask for help, and surround yourself with great people. There are many incredible women who changed my life. We bolstered each other. Find your allies. As a journalist who asks lots of questions for a living, my advice would also be to not forget to listen. The best answers come in follow-up questions.

Knowing what you know now, what advice would you give to your younger self about life and career?

I’d say, “Segall, you got this. Even when you don’t think you do, you are stronger than you ever realized. Step into yourself. You don’t have to live by the ‘shoulds.’ Life is much more authentic (maybe not easier, but much better) on the other side of other people’s expectations. 

Also, get some sleep. You’re more tired than you realize.”

To keep up to date with Laurie, follow her on Instagram and her media company Dot Dot Dot Media. To shop her newest book, click here!

Image via 

Crochet Tops: Our Editor’s Favorite Summer Top Trend

The Everygirl’s product selections are curated by the editorial team. If you buy something through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission, at no cost to you. We only recommend products we genuinely love.






Source: Jules Kennedy for The Everygirl

I need to be honest about something: Summer has never been my favorite season to get dressed for. I know, I know, it’s great because you can just throw on a top, denim shorts, and head out the door. But I’ve always felt like the most basic summer combinations weren’t enough of a complete outfit for me—that is, until I found my favorite trend of summer 2021: crochet tops.

This summer, crochet knits of all types have shot to the top of the hottest trends lists—dresses, cardigans, and my personal favorite, tops. Rather than throwing on a plain T-shirt or tank, wearing a crochet top can take your basic look, with jean shorts and sandals, and turn it into a complete outfit. The texture and retro vibes transform anything they’re paired with instantly, and it’s the one summer trend I absolutely can’t get enough of.

Looking for a perfect, easy addition to guide you in riding out the rest of this summer? These crocheted tops are the solution. Trust us, you won’t be reaching for your cotton tanks again anytime soon.

 





Source: Jules Kennedy for The Everygirl

 





H&M

High Neck Crotchet Tank

2 colors available

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ZARA

Crocheted Top

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MANGO

One Shoulder Knit Top

2 colors available

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Karen Kane

Crochet Tank

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BP.

Crochet Crop Camisole

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Abercrombie & Fitch

Crochet Beach Tee Coverup

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BP.

Crochet Halter Top

2 colors available

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MANGO

Crotchet Crop Top

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Fashion To Figure

Vonetta Crotchet Top

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ZARA

Crotchet Knit Top

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ASOS

Stripe Crochet Cami

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Kut From The Kloth

Striped Crochet Tank

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ZARA

Floral Crotchet Top

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The Cutest Casual Dresses to Wear This Summer
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7 Beauty Products That Aren’t Worth the Hype

The Everygirl’s product selections are curated by the editorial team. If you buy something through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission, at no cost to you. We only recommend products we genuinely love.





After trying what feels like a million beauty products in my tenure at The Everygirl, I’ve formed quite the list of opinions. Some products are phenomenal, some are so-so, and some I just don’t quite understand what people see in them.

Because I’ve probably tried hundreds of new beauty products over the years, I can help you determine what you should and shouldn’t spend your hard-earned coin on. Here are some of the products that didn’t get my stamp of approval (and who they would work better for) and products I’ll shout my love for from the rooftops: 

 

Not Worth the Hype: Chanel Powder Blush





Chanel

Powder Blush

As a beauty aficionado, I’m keen to spend a little extra money on some things. Some people like designer belts, but I like a designer lipstick I can throw in my bag and feel chic as hell reapplying in the middle of the grocery store. So after hearing nonstop about how amazing the Chanel blush formula is, I dropped a pretty penny to try it out for myself. And: It’s just OK. For one, Chanel needs to desperately expand their shade ranges because these blushes barely show up on my medium skin tone, meaning they’d be like a highlighter on anyone with dark or deep skin. The formula itself isn’t bad, it’s just not anything special, and if I’m paying this much for a blush, it really needs to wow me.

Shop it now

 

Worth the Hype: Rare Beauty Liquid Blush





Rare Beauty

Soft Pinch Liquid Blush

On the other hand, Miss Selena Gomez made her blushes for every single skin tone. What I love about this blush is that you can sheer it out and make it work for you if you’re fair (especially the light shades), or you can apply it full opacity to make it look bright on deep skin. I personally love the dewy formula because it makes my cheeks look glowy, but the matte is just as good if you want a more velvety cheek. I apply this with a brush and a light hand and build it up to the intensity I want, and I always get compliments on my blush when I wear this.

Shop it now

 

Not Worth the Hype: Too Faced Better Than Sex Mascara





Too Faced

Better Than Sex Volumizing Mascara

This has been one of the best-selling mascaras for nearly a decade, and I’ve been wondering why basically since it launched. Don’t get me wrong: I think this is a decent mascara, it doesn’t flake or smudge or do anything wonky, and it basically invented the hourglass-shape wand we all know and love from drugstore favorites like Covergirl Exhibitionist
and L’Oreal Lash Paradise. But it’s easily dupable and doesn’t do anything to my lashes that makes it worth the $24 price point. If you like lashes that look long and voluminous but still natural, I can see why this would be your favorite, but I want my lashes to look out-of-this-world, and this just doesn’t give me that.

Shop it now

 

Worth the Hype: Benefit They’re Real Magnet Mascara





Benefit Cosmetics

Magnet Extreme Lengthening Mascara

On the other hand, this new mascara from Benefit gives me the best lashes of my life. Since I started using this, I constantly get asked if I’m wearing eyelash extensions because it gives them so much lift, volume, and length. This is unlike any other mascara I’ve tried because it actually separates and lifts my lashes to look like I have a set of lash extensions on. The before and after is truly unreal, and I’ve barely touched other mascaras since I tried this.

Shop it now

 





 

Not Worth the Hype: Banila Co. 3-in-1 Cleansing Balm





Banila Co

3-in-1 Cleansing Balm

A cleansing balm is a hard product for me to truly fall in love with. It’s a skincare item I go through fairly quickly (I wear a lot of makeup, so I almost always double cleanse at night), so if I don’t fall in love with something, I usually move on to something new—with this one, I wanted to try something new when I was only halfway through it. For me, this really gets stuck in my lashes and causes cloudy vision until I completely rinse my face, which is just an experience issue for me. I like skincare that’s not only effective but also makes me feel good when I’m using it. I understand why this is a favorite of many because it’s inexpensive and definitely cleans your face, but I’m OK spending a little more to get a lovelier experience.

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Worth the Hype: Elemis Pro-Collagen Cleansing Balm





ELEMIS

Pro-Collagen Cleansing Balm

I recently just used this up, and it was truly the first cleansing balm I ever repurchased because it was that good. I was hesitant to try this for so long because of the price, but I snagged a mini at Ulta to get a feel and see if I liked it before taking the plunge into the full size, and I’m so glad I did. First of all, the experience of using this is divine. It has a lovely, luxurious scent, and the texture is the perfect balm that isn’t too thick but isn’t too oily either. It turns into the classic cleansing-balm-milky consistency and rinses really well with warm water, leaving behind no residue but so much moisture and glow. My skin feels the most hydrated when I use this at night. Color me shocked, but I almost never want to try another cleansing balm again (OK, I said “almost!”).

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Not Worth the Hype: Benefit Gimme Brow Gel





Benefit Cosmetics

Gimme Brow+ Tinted Volumizing Eyebrow Gel

Just like the hair on my head, I have very fine, thin brow hairs that take a lot of product to look big and fluffy the way I like them. When I first tried Gimme Brow, I understood the hype. It’s all about volumizing your brows and setting them into place. While it definitely does that, it doesn’t last long enough on me. I don’t even have unruly brows, but I noticed my brows are kind of back to their thin, lifeless selves around the five-hour mark, so I can’t imagine how this would fare on someone with naturally thick brows. If you’re new to brow gel or just want something to comb through in the morning, this would be ideal, but for me, I need something a bit stronger.

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Worth the Hype: Refy Brow Sculpt Gel





REFY

Brow Sculpt Shape and Hold Gel

Refy is about to give every brow product in the business a run for its money. I’ve tried all three products (and I absolutely love them all), and this is by far the best brow gel—maybe even brow product—I have ever used. I love soap brows, and I’ve sworn by the Patrick Ta Brow Wax for a while because it gives me that look without using soap, but it’s so tiresome and annoying to do that, so I tend to skip it. This brow gel is basically soap brows in a tube that you can easily swipe on like any other brow gel. The first day I wore this, I had the best brow day of my life, and it only went up from there. It keeps my eyebrows in place (brushed up as high as they’ll go) all day long, and it couldn’t be easier to apply. I love the included brush to clean things up and set the hairs down, making it look like I got a brow lamination (when it was actually less than $25).

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Not Worth the Hype: Shimmer Lights Purple Shampoo





Shimmer Lights

Purple Shampoo

This is like the gold standard of purple shampoo. If you’ve ever went to a salon and gotten highlights or went cool blonde, they’ve probably recommended this. But after being blonde my entire life and having had highlights since sixth grade, I’ve tried about a million purple shampoos, and this just ain’t it. It is drying, often leaves a purple cast on my hair, and leaves my hair feeling gross overall. Most of the products on this list I totally understand, but this one just does not work in my hair at all.

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Worth the Hype: L’Oreal Le Color Toning Gloss





L’Oreal

Le Color In-Shower Toning Gloss

Now that I color my hair to a warm, honey-tone blonde, purple shampoo isn’t exactly my cup of tea (But if you’re asking, this one is my favorite ever). Instead, I opt for a toning gloss I can use in the shower. This one is so affordable and has already lasted me two washes on my medium-length thin hair, and I’m sure I can get at least two or three more. I use the “Honey Blonde” shade, and it offers just a hint of color but lots of shine and leaves my hair smooth and super soft. I used this before a trip when I couldn’t get to my stylist for a toner, and I felt like I’d just went to a salon—but I only spent $15 and about 10 minutes.

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Not Worth the Hype: Charlotte Tilbury Eyeshadow Palettes





Charlotte Tilbury

Luxury Eyeshadow Palette

Charlotte Tilbury’s shadow formula is so hyped up that even releasing one new quad garners her press for weeks afterward. While these shadows would be great for beginners or someone who likes a very basic eye, they’re just not pigmented enough for me. I like a shadow that has a lot of depth and dimension, whether that’s a dark shade to smoke out my crease or lash line or a glittery shimmer, and these shadows just don’t really offer that. For the price point, I expected these shadows to perform like my beloved Pat McGrath palette.

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Worth the Hype: Juvia’s Place Eyeshadow Palettes





Juvia’s Place

The Blushed Rose Eyeshadow Palette

I will rave about Juvia’s Place shadows until the end of time. These are truly my favorite eyeshadows on the market, and it’s only a plus that they’re so affordable. The shades are pigmented but still easy to blend, and their palettes come in neutrals, brights, and everything in between. Nine times out of 10, I’m wearing Juvia’s Place on my eyes. I love the mattes because they can be sheered out or build up to opacity, and the shimmers are some of my favorites in my entire makeup collection. I apply them with my finger, and they give a wash of opaque color with lots of shine and dimension.

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Not Worth the Hype: Summer Fridays CC Me Serum





Summer Fridays

Vitamin C Serum

I’ve tried quite a few vitamin C serums to help with discoloration from acne scars, and this one was recommended a lot. I love how it leaves my skin really dewy and plump, but after using it for a few months, it hasn’t really done anything for my dark marks. I think this gives your skin a gorgeous sheen and makes it look bright, but it’s not for those looking to fade hyperpigmentation.

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Worth the Hype: Topicals Faded Serum





Topicals

Faded Serum for Dark Spots & Discoloration

When I finally got serious about getting rid of hyperpigmentation, I chose this, and I haven’t looked back since. This is the first product I’ve added to my routine that has actually made a difference in fading my acne scars, even the deep ones that have been there for what feels like forever. I don’t use it every single day, and when I first started using it, my skin did break out. The niacinamide in this product is known to cause some purging, so if you notice this, don’t freak out. Let it run its course for a month or so, and you’ll start seeing major differences. This is my #1 recommendation for anyone looking to get rid of acne scars, and because it’s made by two Women of Color, you don’t have to worry that it’ll be too harsh on deep skin tones.

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23 Drugstore Beauty Products With A Cult Following
I’ve always appreciated drugstore beauty, but in recent months I’ve realized that there are endless amounts of great affordable products out there that people simply swear by.
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How to Sit in the Discomfort of ‘the Middle’

A woman with a fedora and white outfit crouched low outside at the beach

I’ll be honest. It’s hard to write about the middle space when you’re in the white hot center of it. I can’t see the shore I left and the one I’m reaching for is still unknown.

A friend helped me find the name for this the other day. It’s called liminality—the tension between the no longer existent and the not yet existent. That’s it. That’s the tension causing the ache right below my breast bone. It’s a longing to know that I’ll get to the other side of this and that there will be somewhere different than where I am right now.

It’s a longing to know that I’ll get to the other side of this and that there will be somewhere different than where I am right now.

I always want to make it make sense. Like, right now. It’s a clumsy discipline to let the story of my days linger on the page without neat punctuation. I want to rip the pages out of the bind when the narrative grows messy, mundane and uncontrolled.

I stir things up in my mind, asking the same recursive questions: Why? When? How? Where? The answer back is almost always a question: What if the invitation written in the discomfort is to abide here?

Willing my way out of the discomfort of the unknown doesn’t protect me against reality. It only puts me at war with it. I’m tossed around by my unreliable feelings and run ragged with worry and languish. And the result? I’m not one inch closer to the certainty I’m hunting for.

Let me be OK with sitting in the discomfort of the between spaces and taking hold of the joy and meaningfulness threaded throughout life even in the liminality. That’s my prayer. Let me take in, be challenged, heal and enjoy the depths here.

Let me take in, be challenged, heal and enjoy the depths here.

Maybe the shallows near the shore aren’t for me. Maybe I was meant for the deep. Maybe it’s what’s meant for you too? We can be in the middle together, treading in the wonder, mystery and sacredness of it all—learning to trust the gentle sway of the sea as we’re afloat between unknown shores.

I’m believing this for us: The unknown is sacred, tender ground for our becoming. We can reject the inner critic that keeps telling us we’re stuck. This place only becomes stagnant when we do.

Author and priest Richard Rohr explains liminality as the place where all transformation takes place. He wrote, “The threshold is a good space where genuine newness can begin. Get there often and stay as long as you can by whatever means possible. It’s the realm where God can best get at us because our false certitudes are finally out of the way.”

So I will be. It’s by faith that I can remain right here and hang on hoping that there is something meant for my good, not out there, but here. Here. It’s here in the tension that the simple and the sacramental brush against each other in the most unexpected ways, both refining and softening. What an actual miracle that with an inhale we are steadied and with an exhale we are softened.

The unknown is sacred, tender ground for our becoming.

If the rhythmic question thumping through my body is “What if this is it?” I think the answer is “Yes. Yes, it is.” Right here in the middle, life is happening. It’s hard, intimate work to abide, but I want to be woven into the interior fabric of my life. I want to know how to just be well because I’ll miss it if I’m not careful. I don’t want to wait, rush it away, hoard all my joy for another season and place all my bets on a better one. This is it. These precious, ordinary days.

I just want to be good at relishing the unremarkable and do my best at just being in the beautiful tension. Even though I can’t see where I came from and I don’t know where I’ll land, I don’t think I’m lost. In this threshold, I’m becoming.

Is there an area of your life where you feel like you are “in the middle”? How have you learned how to “just be well” in the middle place?

Image via Janessa Spina Higgins

12 Things I Wish I Could Tell My Single Self






Source: @stephanietrotta

Let me introduce you to a much younger, more fun, and less stable version of me: Single Josie. I always prioritized my life and my friends over boys, no matter what stage of life I was in (good job, single Jo!), but I had my fair share of staying up late to text with boys who weren’t worth my time, keeping up with ex-boyfriends I didn’t even want a future with, and even lusting after the occasional douche here and there (don’t we all fall victim to a douchebag every now and again?).

Five months spent in Paris ended up changing the entire trajectory of my life for more reasons than one (quick personal apology to my coworkers who have to listen to me say this one time when I studied abroad in ~Paris~ about three times a day). It was the first time in my life I really, truly discovered who I was, in the most Carrie-Bradshaw-cliché way possible. Before coming to Paris, I pictured I would start up a love affair with a frenchman who would say romantic things to me in adorable broken english while baking soufflé au chocolat (a girl can dream, right?). Spoiler alert: that is not what happened (though that sounds like a killer rom-com premise).

Instead, I spent every day in French classes and working at ELLE magazine, an internship I had longed for all my life. I spent every evening exploring the city by myself, sitting in cafes and people watching with a glass of wine and a croque monsieur. I traveled every weekend, sometimes on my own. I started to know myself in a way I never had before. And then a funny thing happened: despite my swearing off relationships, a cute baseball player from back home had been reaching out to me. Near the end of my time in Paris, his persistence finally wore me down and I decided to respond.

A Facebook conversation turned into phone calls for hours, and phone calls turned into mailing gifts, and before I knew it, I was head over heels before I even crossed the Atlantic to come back home. I traded in a frenchman for a baseball player, and years later, I swear it’s because of the ways I got to know what I really wanted during my alone time in Paris. The End. Thank you for reading my memoir, I’m hoping it becomes an Eat, Pray, Love kind of best-seller and maybe Julia Roberts will play me in the movie adaptation, but I’m just spit-balling.

While I still have much to learn in my life, looking back at the girl who was drinking a little bit too much punch at frat houses (relatable me) or crying in a Paris métro station because she couldn’t find which train took her to the Champs-Élysées (bougie me), here are the 12 things I wish I could tell my single self, and maybe you’d want to tell your single self too:

 

1. Your relationship status is the least of your problems.

Not to be such a Debbie Downer, but guess what, single Josie: you’ve got a lot more to worry about than which frat guy you should bring to formal. Your young adult life will bring a lot of major changes that will be bigger than the box you check under “relationship status.” You’ll want to find a career that fulfills you, feel financially stable enough to do so, and move across the country multiple times to find the place you’re meant to be. Enjoy your life, laugh a lot, and have a whole lot of fun, but spend more time figuring out how to create a life that will fulfill you more than you spend swiping through Bumble. You have the rest of your life to be in love. For now, just be in love with your life.

 

2. When you feel lack of something, give it.

It may sound counterintuitive to give away whatever you feel is lacking from your life, but it’s the secret to filling voids that I wish I had learned sooner. Feeling a lack of something—whether it’s time, money, support, or love—is all mental, no matter what. It’s a glass-half-empty situation: realizing you have enough water (or Pinot Grigio!) to give some away will show you it’s half-full instead. If you’re constantly stressed about not having enough money to buy the expensive skincare treatments you want or go out to the nice restaurants with your friends every week, consider donating $5 a month to a charity that needs your money more than expensive skincare treatments or nice restaurants do. You’ll start to focus on what you do have.

Likewise, during those moments where you leave a bad date feeling hopeless or lay in bed at night feeling lonely, give love instead of wishing you had it. Call your mom and tell her how much you love her, ask a friend that’s struggling how she’s doing, or better yet, stand in front of the mirror and compliment all the things you admire about yourself, knowing self-love is the most worthwhile kind of love to give.

 

3. Invest your time, don’t just spend it.

Also like money, some people are naturally investors and some are spenders. We often think of time as something to spend: spending the day going to work, spending the night going out with friends, spending an hour taking a nap (because who doesn’t need a nap?). But instead of thinking of spending time between relationships, think of how you can invest your time to become the person you want to be when you do find the right relationship. More importantly, invest your time so that you’re not waiting to find the right relationship. Think of every moment as something you could be doing for your future self, whether it’s learning a new skill or working on building up your friendships. Just like financial investing, you’ll be buying yourself more time to spend later.

 





Source: Bruce Mars | Pexels

 

4. Take note of the moments that make you feel unsafe.

We are all strong, confident, capable women (duh). Spending the time alone that you need to spend, whether it’s traveling or being alone in your own city is necessary, but can also put you in situations that give you that uh-oh feeling in your gut. No matter how much you try to protect yourself when you’re alone like your mom and Freshmen Seminar taught you, you’ll still have consistent moments where you’ll be wearing a scarf and jacket and the Uber driver will say something to you that makes you feel like no amount of layers is enough.

You’ll have moments where a stranger on the Paris Métro looks at you in broad daylight in a way that makes you uncomfortable in your own skin. There will be times that someone will not take no for an answer, and something so momentary will feel so scary for the rest of your life. As painful as these moments are, or as normal as they feel, take note of them all. Use them to feel empowered when you’re alone. And when you notice them enough, “gentle” will show up on your list of who you let love you, even above handsome or funny (but don’t worry. You’ll get all three).

 

5. Cut it off with your ex-boyfriend already!

There’s a lot of reasons we stick around with the people we know are not good for us. Maybe they’re a security blanket, maybe you’re worried you won’t find love again, or maybe you’re subconsciously seeking their approval. For me, it was too much time and history that felt like a lot to give up, even if I knew I’d give it up for something better. It just felt easier to gradually grow apart. As you can imagine, breakups don’t work like that, and it caused a lot more pain in the end. No matter the reason the wrong person is still in your life, as soon as you realize they’re not the one for you, that should be the end of it, not the beginning of the end. Know what you deserve, be honest with yourself and the other person, and don’t settle to avoid pain. Bonus tip: unfollow on social media. Just do it!

 

6. Let your friends fill the lonely spots.

I’ve always been a girl’s girl. All of the boyfriends and guy friends in the world can’t compare to the connection I have with my female friends. But friends to me have always just been people to have fun with; I’m not good at opening up or depending on them. But my college roommate became my family as she cried with me through things like a breakup and the death of a family member, and more importantly, becoming my inherent plus one and other half to the point where I still want to tell her whenever something’s wrong.

If anything, this flashback is a lesson in depending on people. I wish I had been more vulnerable in non-romantic relationships, because I learned that good female friendships really do fill the lonely spots. Also, Single Josie, you’re currently obsessed with Carrie Bradshaw’s wardrobe and job, but when she says “maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates,” take note of that too. Even with as happy as I feel in my relationship now, I do wish I realized then that sometimes happiness is not a whirlwind romance. Sometimes happiness is a trashy show, a whole lot of takeout, and the kind of best friend you make the effort to keep for a lifetime.

 

7. Dating is about finding out what you want (and it’s supposed to be fun!)

Let’s make one thing clear: single Josie and in-a-relationship Josie has always been good at keeping high standards. But there were times when I got more caught up in being wanted that I didn’t even think about what I wanted out of someone else. Dating is supposed to be about finding what you want, not becoming what someone else wants. Oh yeah, and don’t take it so seriously! Some people will like you and some people won’t. No matter if a second date follows, it should be fun meeting new people. If it’s not, take a break from dating to reflect on what you’re really looking for in your dating life: is it to feed your own ego and heal an insecurity, or are you actually looking for a partner?

 

8. When you meet the right person, you build the relationship you want, it doesn’t just happen to you.

I’ve learned a lot about what a “soulmate” means since I was last single. To go back to those aforementioned high standards, I truly believed my perfect match would know how to ballroom dance, never get frustrated by me, and love poetry as much as I did (if he’s the one perfect person out there for me, he must!). I only considered seriously dating people with certain and extremely specific characteristics (AKA no one), as if I could create my own soulmate like a computer game (can’t The Sims just be real life!?).

But when you find someone who gets you and loves you more than you even knew to add to your list of high expectations, you realize the other things don’t matter. You trust them and their love for you enough to grow the kind of relationship you’ve always wanted together. So don’t write someone off because they don’t play guitar or have never been to Europe. The right person will support who you are and what you want out of life, so sign up for ballroom lessons and book an Italian vacation together. You both build the relationship you want, but you can’t (and shouldn’t want to!) change the person.

 





Source: Raw Pixel | Pexels

 

9. “No” is a complete sentence

Inherently, I’m what some would call a “people-pleaser” and what the honest of us would call a “pushover.” I spent much of my dating life feeling bad about people’s feelings and cradling men’s egos. I came up with excuses like “I have a boyfriend” rather than “I’m not interested” to persistent men at bars, and spent too much time texting back boys I didn’t want to talk to, just so I wouldn’t hurt their feelings. I wish I could tell single Josie that one day, she will find strength, rather than silence, in her dominant empathy. Until then, work on saying no when you mean no.

 

10. Focus on growing so much that you crave the feeling of trying something new

Change used to be much harder for me. It affected my dating life because I resisted putting myself out of my comfort zone and didn’t try new things if I could help it. Not only did this prevent me from meeting new people, but more importantly, it prevented me from being my best self. No matter what, focus on growing so much that change becomes your comfort zone. The little things every day make a difference: ordering a new drink at the bar, reading a different kind of book than you’re used to, trying a workout class you’ve never done, and talking to people you’ve never met.

 

11. Eat the damn pastry!

I’ve never considered myself to be insecure, but looking back on my life, there have been a lot of foods I didn’t eat and a lot of unhealthy meals I regretted eating. I want to hug 20-year-old me and tell her she’s perfect just the way she is, like all those American Girl puberty books tried to tell me over a decade ago. I also wish I could tell her the stress about eating is worse for her body than any piece of pizza or cone of ice cream, and her worthiness of love has nothing to do with her weight or what she eats. Enjoy every bite of your life, and eat with mindfulness instead of insecurity. No matter what magazines or lingerie ads tell us, confidence will always be more attractive than however we look.

 

12. Wait for a love that feels like a fairytale.

When you’re looking for a relationship, it’s tempting to romanticize the people you meet or stick around with someone that has some endearing qualities, hoping that it works out because you don’t want to be alone. But I promise, you’ll be so much happier enjoying alone time than being in the wrong relationship. You’ll learn one day, Single Me, that love will only be worth having when it feels like a fairy tale. Not a Cinderella story, per se (I definitely do not want to lose a good pair of shoes!), but it will feel too good to be true. 

This person truly loves the you that you love; they’ll think it’s hilarious and cute when you’re on your period and crying while watching reality shows, and they’ll do a lot of unromantic things for you every day that make you smile. You’ll get into disagreements, but they’ll care more about how you feel than about being right. They may not have a horse and carriage (à la Prince Charming), but seeing them will feel like coming home after a long day. Doesn’t that sound like a much better fairy tale? Dear Single Josie, for all the wrong you go through, one day there will be a right that makes all the wrongs worth it. Don’t settle for less, and enjoy your life while you’re not settling.

 

5 Things My Therapist Taught Me About Self-Love

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Nordstrom Anniversary Sale Pieces Worth Splurging On

The Everygirl’s product selections are curated by the editorial team. If you buy something through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission, at no cost to you. We only recommend products we genuinely love.






Source: Jordan McDonnell for The Everygirl

If you’ve read any of my past articles, you would know that there’s nothing I love more than shopping on a budget. I love a good dupe as much as I love rewatching New Girl for the 100th time—and that’s saying something. However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t also appreciate a little splurge every now and then—and the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale is the perfect time for that.

One of the main reasons I love the Nordstrom sale is that I can find items that make great investment pieces but still get a great deal on them. You can find anything from classic items that everyone should have in their closet to wish list items you’ve been eyeing for a while. But more than anything else, the sale is the perfect time to invest in great coats, shoes, and accessories that you know you’ll wear for years to come. 

Here are 18 of the best Nordstrom Sale items that I think are worth splurging on (go ahead, treat yourself!):





MARC FISHER

Padmia Chelsea Boot, $99.90

I own a black pair of chunky boots that are very similar to this, and I’ve been wanting a white or cream pair since last fall. So when I saw these, I added them to my wish list immediately. The color is perfect, and Marc Fisher boots are known to be high quality.

3 colors available

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MARC FISHER

Pointed Toe Bootie, $129.90

Everyone needs a pair of pointed-toe black booties, and this cult-favorite option is absolutely perfect. They go with everything, look super chic, and are high quality. I seriously live in black booties for fall and winter, so if any shoe is worth splurging on, it would be these.

4 colors available

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TORY BURCH

Chelsea Lug Bootie, $249.90

At over $100 off, these boots are an insane deal. I think that the style and material of these are absolutely stunning, and they would make a great addition to anyone’s wardrobe. I own very few designer pieces, but I would definitely consider purchasing these.

2 colors available

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FRANCO SARTO

Stevie Bootie, $109.90

These mid-calf boots caught my eye immediately during my first scroll of the sale preview. I love how unique they are, but they’re still classic enough that I would wear them in other seasons.

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Nike

Air Zoom Pegasus 38 Running Shoes, $89.90

We’ve all been at the point where the only sneakers we own are basically falling apart. This all-white pair is not only great for running/working out, it’s also the perfect way to round out a chic athleisure look.

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Nordstrom

Collar Textured Coat, $109.90

The coat selection is always the first thing I like to browse through during this sale. I believe that classic coats are one of the few items that are definitely worth an investment because you know that you can keep them for years. I love that this one is a classic silhouette, but the muted blue makes it a little bit unique.

2 colors available

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HALOGEN

Double Face Wool Coat, $129.90

All three colors of this coat are absolutely stunning, but I especially love this charcoal gray color because it’s neutral but different from tan or black. You might be heading back to the office soon, so this coat is a perfect addition to your workwear wardrobe.

3 colors available

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SPANX

Faux Leather Leggings, $64.90

Our team can’t stop talking about these leggings, but for good reason. They’re one of the most versatile pieces of clothing ever—you can dress them up and wear them out or on a dinner date, or you can wear them with an athleisure look for ultimate cool-girl vibes. If you don’t have a pair yet, now’s the time; you won’t see another price this low all season long.

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Nike

Fleece Hoodie, $48.90

I’ve seen this hoodie all over Instagram, so I’m thinking it might finally be time to get one for myself. It’s super versatile, and I feel like it would be one of those “nice hoodies” that you would feel cool in (please say other people have this feeling too?).

3 colors available

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Beyond Yoga

Square Neck Crop Tank, $45.90

I’ve had my eye on Beyond Yoga for years—I’ve heard nothing but good things about how great the quality is and how soft the material is. This cropped square-neck tank is super flattering, and there’s nothing I love more than when I don’t have to wear a sports bra and a top to work out.

2 colors available

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Beyond Yoga

High Waist Leggings, $62.90

Who doesn’t love a matching set? At over $30 off, there’s no better time than now to treat yourself to a cute new workout outfit. I always tell myself that I’m much more motivated to work out when I have a cute outfit to wear, and this set definitely fits that bill.

3 colors available

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TRUE & CO.

V-Neck Bralette, $37.90

I live in True & Co. bras, so I was beyond excited to see them in the sale. As someone with a larger chest, the bras I own from their True Body Lift line are some of the only wireless ones I own that are actually supportive. The soft, buttery material makes them perfect for wearing out and about or at home.

5 colors available

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RAY-BAN

State Street Square Sunglasses, $99.90

I’ve been seeing people wearing this style of Ray-Bans for a little while now, and I think they’re so cute and different. The silhouette is unique, but they’re classic enough that you know you’ll wear them for years to come.

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Coach

Pebble Leather Crossbody Bag, $199.90

Coach has made a serious comeback in the last year or so (I have a bag and I’m obsessed), so what better time than now to grab one for yourself? It’s the perfect mid-range price point for leather goods that makes you feel like it’s a special treat but doesn’t give you insane sticker shock.

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Bony Levy

14K Gold Set of 2 Earrings, $185.90

If you’re like me and only buy super cheap jewelry that tends to wear and tarnish, it might be time for us to take it up a notch. This set of two pairs of earrings is 14K gold, which is something I rarely see go on sale. It might seem like a high price tag now, but I think these everyday earrings would stand the test of time and save you money in the long run.

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Argento Vivo

Herringbone Chain Necklace, $49.90

Argento Vivo jewelry is high quality at a mid-range price point. I love this gold herringbone chain necklace because it’s definitely a wardrobe staple that I don’t think is going out of style anytime soon, so I believe it’s worth spending a little extra on.

2 colors available

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Boy Smells

Late Bloomer Votive Candle Set, $56.00

Boy Smells is another brand that I’ve had my eye on forever. Not only is their branding insanely cute, but they also have a ton of unique scents that would make for a perfect addition to any room. Since you can’t smell a candle when shopping online, this set of votives is a great way to test them all out.

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Barefoot Dreams

CozyChic Throw Blanket, $97.90

I’ve been lusting after a Barefoot Dreams blanket for years, but I can never bring myself to shell out the $150. I own a robe, so I just know that this material cannot be duped. If I ever was going to take the plunge and buy one, it would definitely be from the Nordstrom Sale because the sale price can’t be beat.

10+ colors available

Shop it now

 

What Our Editors Are Buying From the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale
you don’t want to miss these
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7 Home Styling Tips We Learned From Studio McGee

The Everygirl’s product selections are curated by the editorial team. If you buy something through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission, at no cost to you. We only recommend products we genuinely love.






Source: Studio McGee | @studiomcgee

Seven years ago, the (remarkably beautiful) couple behind Studio McGee sold their California home to chart a new path: starting their own interior design business. Since then, they’ve acquired 3 million Instagram followers, launched a home goods line with Target, and shared enough drop-dead gorgeous interior photos to keep us mesmerized for days.

Thanks to Shea McGee’s signature style, I can almost instantly spot a Studio McGee image on my Instagram feed. The designs have a clean yet collected vibe, which manages to effortlessly balance laid-back, California style with sophisticated and luxurious details.

Ahead, we’re sharing the seven home styling tips we’ve learned from Studio McGee since we first started fangirling all those years ago.

 

1. Mix masculine and feminine details

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A post shared by Studio McGee (@studiomcgee)

Balance can always be found in a room designed by Studio McGee, and juxtaposing masculine and feminine details is a trend you’ll find throughout their projects. Try layering moody leathers with light and airy linen, or soft, vintage floral rugs with wood accent tables.

 

2. Forgo the furniture set

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A post shared by Studio McGee (@studiomcgee)

As tempting as it is to head to your nearest big-box furniture store and order a furniture package in one fell swoop, Studio McGee’s room designs will be your greatest incentive to resist. As the team shares in this blog post, mixing styles of furniture offers a more thoughtful aesthetic, and also allows you to combine investment pieces with budget finds to create a balanced room that suits your individual budget.

 

3. Make the entryway a moment

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A post shared by Studio McGee (@studiomcgee)

The entryway is often overlooked in favor of higher priority rooms like the living space and primary bedroom, but Studio McGee’s entryways will give you pause for this approach. Instead, focus on making your entry a feature with an accent table, lighting, and a few simple, functional accessories. Its smaller footprint will make it a quick and inexpensive project, which means you’ll get to enjoy the fruits of your labor in no time.

 

4. Contrast is key

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A post shared by Studio McGee (@studiomcgee)

While most Studio McGee rooms can be found decorated in a neutral color palette, contrast remains a highly utilized element. Pairing light and dark features against one another adds interest and depth, as seen here in this light-filled kitchen with moody, black kitchen cabinetry.

 

5. Wall-to-wall carpet is not the enemy

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A post shared by Studio McGee (@studiomcgee)

Admittedly, we feel like we’ve been sleeping on wall-to-wall carpet as a bonafide interior design feature. For a more high-end feel, opt for carpet that’s looped rather than cut, which will offer a textural element to your space that is reminiscent of sisal or jute. We particularly love this styling tip for bedrooms—after all, whose tootsies want to wake up to chilly flooring first thing in the morning?

 

6. When in doubt, add greenery

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A post shared by Studio McGee (@studiomcgee)

A quick scroll through the Studio McGee Instagram feed will leave you hard-pressed to find an image without a bundle of greenery on a tabletop, or even an actual tree tucked away into a corner. This finishing touch infuses literal life into each space, thanks to a hearty injection of color and texture. It can also be a super budget-friendly hack—just head to your backyard for a few extra tree clippings that will make all the difference when styled in an oversized vase on your coffee table.

 

7. Utilize textiles for pattern and color

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A post shared by Studio McGee (@studiomcgee)

The Studio McGee team almost always opts for neutral furniture staples, while allowing accent textiles (i.e. throw pillows and blankets) to bring in added patterns and pops of color. As a budget decorator myself, I greatly appreciate this rule-of-thumb since it means I get more longevity and versatility from my furnishings and investment pieces. Moral of the story: You can never underestimate what a difference details and accessories can make in a room.

 

GET THE LOOK

 





STUDIO MCGEE X THRESHOLD

Lovers Knot Doormat

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Sketch Art Print

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Striped Rug

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Metal Floor Lamp

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Wooden Bead Garland

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Persian Style Rug

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Artificial Fern

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Woven Pillow

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Diamond Persian Rug

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Gray Rattan Basket

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Glass Jar Candle

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Weathered Jug Vase

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STUDIO MCGEE X THRESHOLD

Woven Striped Throw Pillow

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STUDIO MCGEE X THRESHOLD

Jute Cotton Area Rug

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STUDIO MCGEE X THRESHOLD

Metal Sconce Wall Light

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Women in Male-Dominated Industries Share Their Experience






Source: Social Squares

Unfortunately, our reality as women is that we still face workplace challenges—from irritating man-splaining to overt sexual harassment—that men simply don’t need to think about or learn how to deal with. While nobody should ever have to deal with them, the issues are magnified for women working in male-dominated industries.

From “bro-culture” to assumptions that you don’t know how to do your job based on your gender, women working in these fields go to work every day already saddled with the task of proving their worth and abilities—a weight their male colleagues do not bear.

What can we do about this problem? Shine a light on it. Encourage women to speak out against these circumstances and to demand equal treatment (and pay). Here at The Everygirl, we want to be part of this movement. So we asked women working in male-dominated fields to reach out to us with their stories and their advice. We were blown away by their responses and hope our readers are similarly affected. Thank you to each and every woman who shared her story with us. We are honored to host your words.

 

Real women on their day-to-day experiences

 





Source: Social Squares

 

On dealing with the pay gap

I wonder if I get paid as much as my coworkers that are in similar positions as me, and I then wonder how I even broach the subject of pay inequality with my supervisor and manager.

— Jill, Environmental Engineering

 

On the added pressure of working under a microscope

It is very difficult to shake the feeling of always being under a microscope. In military aviation, pilots are constantly evaluated in all that we do—training flights, squadron presentations, you name it. Being one of just five female pilots in a squadron of 200+, my performance is highlighted since I stand out. I sometimes interact with men who have never worked or flown with a female pilot before, and that puts added pressure on me to make a good impression. I feel like if I do well, those men will have a positive impression of female pilots, but if I mess up, they will project my mistake onto female aviators as a whole.

— Caitlin, Pilot  

 





 

I want to preface this by saying that I love my male coworkers and most of the challenges I face come from dealing with those outside of the venue, but there are challenges I face that my colleagues don’t—simply because they are men.

I have to show up to work with a game face on every day and every night. When I’m inside the four walls of the venue, I have to prove that I am capable and deserve to be in my place of work to the men passing through—bands, managers, engineers, male customers—whereas that respect is inherently earned by my male colleagues. I can’t even begin to count the number of times I’ve been called “sweetie” and “honey” or been treated like I’m not in a leadership role (double whammy for being female and looking much younger than I actually am—not complaining about that one!). The look on men’s faces when I tell them I’m the manager is sometimes surprise, sometimes embarrassment. I’ve started to bite the bullet and introduce myself with my title as soon as the band loads in. The fact that I have to do that and my male coworkers don’t will never stop annoying me, but I would rather state my role and earn that respect right off the bat than have to fight an uphill battle all night.

— Kristen, Music Industry 

 

On the assumption that you “don’t understand” how to do your job

The biggest challenge by far is men doubting your knowledge of the games and athletes. Many assume you don’t understand the rules of specific sports or that you aren’t familiar with certain athletes. Trust me, I wouldn’t be working here if I didn’t have a solid understanding of the material because I wouldn’t be interested in it. 

— Olivia, Sports Advertising & Sales

 

I’ve faced challenges with men in this field externally and internally assuming that I (as a woman) do not know how to operate power tools properly, which, in fact, is part of my job. In reality, I know how to operate more tools than the average male and actually use power tools in my personal life for many DIY projects as well. So it can be frustrating to be automatically pegged as not being knowledgeable in this field due to my gender, especially when it directly relates to the success of my job. I feel that I have to fight twice as hard as my male counterparts to gain credibility in this field.

— Jenny, Power Tools Marketing

 

A lot of men in finance assume they know more about investing than women. It is blatantly obvious and always upsetting. At one point, a male coworker approached my desk red-faced and raising his voice because I corrected a particular statistic he was frequently using in his sales pitch, which caused an embarrassingly huge scene in the office where he attempted to belittle my intelligence in front of several coworkers. I can’t imagine the same reaction if it had been a male coworker.  

— Ella, Financial Services Industry

 

One thing I did notice is in the beginning, [my male coworkers] constantly asked if I needed help with jobs. It was frustrating at first, but it gave me all the more reason to show them that I was able to do the job just as well, if not better, than they could. In fact, because I had the smallest hands out of all of them, I was able to get into places under the hood that they couldn’t and change light bulbs that they couldn’t get to. After about a month, it was them asking me for help, which definitely felt like I’d earned their respect as a mechanic.

— Kate, Automotive Industry

 

On dealing with the outdated “boys’ club” mentality

There are hurdles for women when it comes to being promoted to leadership positions. Unfortunately, going for beers and golfing with the boss is still a way to promote oneself, and women often do not fit in with this “buddy, buddy” type method of promotion.

— Emma, Environmental Scientist

 

I think the biggest challenge is the “boys’ club” mentality. It’s one thing to say that there is a glass ceiling for women, but it’s an added challenge when you are also dealing with a boys’ club and not fitting in because you’re a woman. It creates a tough work dynamic in addition to contributing to your stalled career progression. 

— Kelly, Athletics Industry

 





 

On “man-terruptions”

One of the most prominent challenges that I face on the daily is what I refer to as “man-terruptions.” This normally occurs during meetings when a man and a woman start talking at the same time. I have noticed that almost always the woman will stop prior to the man and the man will continue on. I have also noticed that if a man says one thing and a woman says the same thing, it is the man who is remembered for stating whatever it was rather than a woman. It’s small challenges like this that aggravate me, and maybe because I work with an older, male-driven field, I notice these occurrences more and more.

— Alexis, IT

 

On the lack of respect from co-workers, clients, or customers

It has been challenging to earn respect as an expert from the customers and to relate to them. A lot of customers initially were willing to work with me for the “novelty” of working with a female. It took hustle to surmount the vertical learning curve and get the men around me to respect my position, my leadership, and my opinion.

— Christina, Commercial Plumbing

 

Especially in health care, there tends to be an omnipresent sentiment (from both other men in the field and from patients) that when you step into an operating room, you will be seen by a male. The most frequent comment I get is, “Well, I’ve never had a female dentist before.” Especially as a young, female practitioner, patients tend to think you’re the assistant or hygienist. Although by now, I take this with a grain of salt, there is the constant feeling that you need to prove yourself in this male-dominated field and earn the same respect as your male colleagues.

— Caris, Dentist

 

One of the most common challenges I’ve faced is being seen as an authority figure equal with my that of my male coworkers. It seems that men are seen as the “natural leaders.” This often causes people to look right past me, a female, as a capable leader in a position of authority.

— Emily, Youth Ministry

 

It’s extremely surprising how people look at you differently based on your appearance. Like, if I wear a dress to a video shoot people start actually acting as if I am less capable of working a camera.

— Kelsey, College Athletics

 

On derogatory language

I have been called a “bitch” more than once by men who (must) think the answers I give to their questions were inadequate. I’m sure that it will happen again. As a woman in a man’s industry, I have learned so much about myself over the past two years, and I have learned far more about men and the social constructs that older men grew up with and continue to blindly follow.

— Christina, Commercial Plumbing

 

There were multiple situations where drivers or even managers would make comments about things like me needing a boyfriend, how I needed to “get laid” or “be spanked,” male coworkers discussed going to strip clubs/breastaurants (Hooters, Twin Peaks—where they actually took me once), and even situations where our HR department told me I couldn’t file complaints about things like that because I had said the word f**k before.

— Allie, Logistics & Supply Train

 

On inappropriate and unwanted physical touch

I have had the unfortunate experience of being spoken down to, been called a “gal,” had my work not taken seriously, had my shoulders rubbed, and had my hair caressed. It’s tricky when you are only 24 years old and have just started at a firm that is male-dominated. What are you supposed to do in this situation?

— Ashwini, Accounting

 

Real women’s advice on how to deal with it

 





Source: Social Squares

 

Speak up, speak up, speak up

My advice is simple: If you are uncomfortable with something, voice your opinion. Do not be afraid that the office is male-dominated—you work hard and have every right to speak up. Stand up for yourself and demand respect (in a professional way, of course).

— Ashwini, Accounting

 

I have also learned throughout the years that speaking up is so important. I used to keep my mouth shut, even when I had an idea or I disagreed. Now, I will never let myself go unheard, and that confidence has been instrumental in building my credibility. Confidence is important when it comes to promotions as well. I know what I deserve, and I am not afraid to ask for it.

— Emma, Environmental Scientist

 

I’ve been very strategic in explaining these moments to my male colleagues. They have started noticing it and have been helpful in redirecting questions. My colleagues have also been intentional about giving me credit when credit is due. My strategy has also included being out in the tech community so people start recognizing who I am and that I’m an authority in the bootcamp field. I’ve started speaking at conferences and challenging myself to approach high-level executives during conferences and networking meetings. In essence, I’ve rallied people around me who can stand up for me, and I’ve also decided to approach my field with boldness.

— Julia, IT

 

My male co-workers are super receptive, and I communicate with them often about how it feels to be a female in this industry. Knowledge is power. No one is going to understand the female perspective if we don’t explain how specific situations in the workplace make us feel underscored, less than, or powerless. Some will say that “sharing our feelings” isn’t the right route to take, but I wholeheartedly disagree. If I feel like I didn’t get a word in edgewise during a meeting, I have no problem sharing that with my colleagues after said meeting. Yes, there’s a time and place for it, but we need to be a voice and an advocate for ourselves. If we don’t have those candid conversations about our positions in the workplace from time to time, no one will ever understand our point of view, and we won’t make progress.

Lastly, and maybe most importantly, be an advocate and a sounding board for other women in male-dominated industries. If we’re going to overcome these challenges, we need to build each other up, celebrate our wins, and share our stories to empower one another.

— Kristen, Music Industry

 

Cultivate (or create!) a support system

Here in Chicago, my female co-workers and I are also a part of a group called Women in Chicago Sports. This group is fairly new, but it is comprised of the women working in the various sports TV/advertising offices as well as all of the Chicago pro sports front offices. We are all in this together, and it is a great feeling to have such a large support system not only within my company but my city as well.

— Olivia, Sports Advertising & Sales

 

You can’t second-guess yourself. I try to make sure that I learn as much as I can and understand that having a female perspective is important. It’s been a lifesaver to meet up with other female music journalists and have that support and know that we’re all going through the same things.

— Emily, Music Journalism

 

To overcome challenges that might arise from working in a male-dominated field, I recommend women help out other women! And if you’re the only woman—a situation I’ve been in before—find some like-minded men and align yourself with them. 

— Hope, U.S. Army

 

Find a professional group that will support you and offers professional development support. For me, that has been Society of Women Engineers. In college, it was Engineers Without Borders. I have found that it is important to have a perspective of why you do what you do. When you have a tough day, having a purpose outside of work will get you through. 

— Jill, Environmental Engineering

 

Try not to view other women as competitors. In some industries, it’s easy to fall into this because there are so few of us, and we’re all trying to get to the top. Most of the time, this means that women see a finite number of spots at that level for us, so the automatic feeling when we meet a new female colleague (especially if she’s good) is that we are threatened. Harboring this antagonistic feeling toward a colleague will do you absolutely no good. Instead, focus on you. What you’ll learn is that some of these women may turn out to be your biggest advocates and supporters.

— Laura, Athletics Industry 

 





 

Work your a** off, take pride in what you do, and remember why you started.

The best advice I can give is to work your ass off every day, especially if you’re new to the job, and, eventually, no one will be questioning your ability to do the job in a male-dominated field. You will probably be working harder than the men around you for quite a while, which is an unfortunate reality, but women are continually making great strides in the workplace, and I have faith that one day it won’t even be a question that a woman can do any job just as well (or better) than a man.

— Ella, Financial Services Industry

 

You have to toot your own horn. I used to think that my work product would speak for itself; if I was smart and hard-working, I would be rewarded by the universe. This is not the case. If you do something great but don’t tell anyone that is responsible for your career development, you may as well have not done that amazing thing. Look for tactful ways to promote your work. I used Twitter as a way to talk to my association’s members about what I was doing on their behalf, I would send emails to my boss and the board of directors to convey big wins and highlight my work, and I asked for two minutes at important meetings to update other departments on successes.

— Amy, Lobbyist

 

Don’t lose your confidence!

My advice to others working in a similar field would be to never lose your confidence. The second you start second-guessing yourself is the second that you fail. If you don’t believe in yourself in a male-dominated field, then it’s going to be nearly impossible to make others believe in you too. Never stop fighting the good fight and learn as much as you can to prove them all wrong.

— Jenny, Marketing Power Tools

 

First and foremost, I work very hard to be good at my job. I am far from perfect, but when I do have slip-ups, I try to actively fight my first instinct to feel guilty for making all female pilots “look bad.” If I’m the one who made the mistake, that should reflect on me—no one else. If someone thinks otherwise, that’s on them.

— Caitlin, Pilot

 

I’ve surprised myself by watching my confidence grow. I used to work as an EA (also known as a secretary), and when I finally got promoted and promoted again after years of hard work, I would still have days where that stupid little voice inside says, “You should have just stayed where you belong.” But f**k that voice. That voice isn’t the real me, and instead of listening to her, I just look at the facts: Am I good at my job? Yes. Can I run circles around the men in my office? Yes. Did I kill that last creative review? Yes. Am I lesser-than in any way? No.

— Alice, 3D Production

 

I wish I could say that these challenges don’t bother me and that I bounce back and am unfazed, but that isn’t always the case. There are days where things can really affect me and my confidence takes a hit. Those are the days where I need my girlfriends and a little bit more of that bottle of wine in my kitchen. On the flip side of this, there are days where I take those discouragements and turn them into motivation. Those are the days where I impress myself. I think this happens for women in all types of fields.

— Taylor, Car Sales

 

I try to remember and understand that the most important reason I’m in my role is to provide a unique perspective. I must embrace my perspective, and, most importantly, I must unapologetically share my perspective. Your perspective is why you were selected for the role and why you are getting paid—share it!

— Kerhyl, Athletics Industry

 

 

Editors’ Note: If you have or currently are experiencing sexual harassment at work, read this guide on the next steps you can take in that situation. Not sure if it’s sexual harassment? See this list of common examples. 

 

A Lesson From the French on How to Rest Well During Summertime

A view of the Eiffel Tower from behind a tree

It’s difficult to put into words what summertime means in France. An analogy that seems fitting is to compare summer in France to a finely aged wine. The French work hard all year to harvest the fruit of their labor, but when it comes to summer vacation, they know that, like an aged bottle of red, the secret to excellence is allowing time, rest and stillness to do the work. So let’s learn the French way to do summer—by taking time to relish in the abundance and harvest of the year through true rest. 

As a lover of California sunshine, living abroad in France for four years gave me a new understanding of summer as I faced my first dark, cold and damp winter in Paris. The short days and crowded metros made me crave space and light. Springtime in Paris was an emotional rollercoaster as weather was unpredictable and thunderstorms would interrupt pique-niques and plans.

The French do not live to work. They work to live. Even embedded within the language, the verb “être” (to be) is often used more than “faire” (to do). Daily life in the summer is centered on being not merely doing. Summers are not just for kids on break from school, but the entire society celebrates and savors all that summer has to offer. 

The French do not live to work. They work to live.

Summer Solstice, June 21, is welcomed with a national music festival called La Fête de La Musique. The festival originated in the 1980’s when the Minister of Culture desired to bring people and music to the streets. 

By allowing amateurs and professionals to play without permits, cost or noise restrictions at the festival, all genres of music are made accessible to the public. On the longest day of the year, everyone celebrates life with a 24-hour nationwide party. In Paris, all you need to do is walk for a few blocks and you will stumble on elderly couples dancing in the streets, punk-rock youth blasting their protests, classical quartets lining cafés and children, always at the front line of any crowd, soaking in the sounds and experience of music. 

This annual festival is just a debut of all France has to offer for the summer months. All year long you hear the French dream and discuss plans for “les vacances.” Embedded in French culture is the value of time for rest more than the grind of work and capitalism. 

Embedded in French culture is the value of time for rest more than the grind of work and capitalism. 

The government by law requires full-time workers to take at least five weeks vacation, on top of public holidays throughout the year. By August, most shops are closed for the month with handwritten notes from owners explaining “on est en vacances.” We are on vacation and will reopen in September. 

The French summer is unlike any other. Located in the heart of Europe, the geography of France allows for easy access to travel and weekend trips to new cultures and countries. All you have to do is hop on a south-bound train and you will be at the seaside in a matter of hours. 

The longer days, full feasts of delicious seasonal food, time spent with family and a nation-wide pause on work allow for a restoration of the soul of humanity. This summer, may we also learn to pause and let time and rest do its work in usmaking us like a fine wine full of flavor and life.

How good are you about prioritizing rest? Why is this so important?

Image via Coco Tran, Darling Issue No. 19

The Correct Order to Apply Your Skincare Products

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Source: @devsday

Regardless of the number of products in your skincare routine, if you’re not a dermatologist or expert, figuring out how to actually make sure all of these products work involves a little bit of research. Daily skincare routines include several steps, and it can be a little confusing as to what goes on top of what and which ingredients shouldn’t be applied together.

We’re demystifying the proper steps and applications of various products and giving a few basic no-nos when it comes to combining certain ingredients, but we urge you to be mindful of the active ingredients in the products you already own. Should your hydrating serum and vitamin C serum be applied together? Well, that depends on their main ingredients. This article will help you know what to look out for.

 

Meet the expert
Dr. Cynthia Bailey M.D.
BOARD-CERTIFIED DERMATOLOGIST, FOUNDER OF DR. BAILEY SKIN CARE
Dr. Cynthia Bailey is a practicing board-certified dermatologist based in California and the founder of Dr. Bailey Skin Care. She focuses on skincare routines, skin issues, and more.

 

The Basics

Why is how you layer your skincare even important? It all comes down to absorption. “Layering your skin products in the right order helps you get the most out of your routine; you want maximal percutaneous absorption of important active ingredients,” said Cynthia Bailey, M.D., board certified dermatologist and founder of Dr. Bailey Skin Care. “Applying a product that blocks others from getting through your skin will be a frustrating waste of time and money.”

When it comes to the proper order of application of products, you typically want to go from thin to thick. “Always apply water-based products before oil-based products and try to layer thinner texture water-based products before thicker/creamier/oily containing products,” Dr. Bailey said. The viscosity of your products determines how they’re absorbed into your skin. If you apply a watery serum after you’ve already layered on a cream or lotion, you are not receiving the full benefits of the thinner product because it’s not able to penetrate the skin with something else so thick underneath. This foundational principle has some exceptions that we’ll cover, namely when it comes to eye creams, eye serums, and retinol.

The proper application of products also differs between night and day applications, as you won’t be using the same products each time. “Ideally you want a twice-a-day AM/PM skincare routine separated by about 12 hours or so,” Dr. Bailey added. While some products are best applied at night (like retinol) or in the morning (antioxidants like vitamin C), your routine will generally look similar, always starting with cleanser. 

According to Dr. Bailey, the proper skincare routine involves: 

  1. Cleanser
  2. Correcting products (like retinol, AHA/BHA, and other products meant to improve current skin issues)
  3. Hydrating products (serums and moisturizer)
  4. Protecting products (sunscreen)

Here, we’re breaking down just how to organize your routine. 

 





Source: Danielle Moss

 

What Order to Apply Your Skincare Products in the Morning

 

Step 1: Oil Cleanser

Note that if you aren’t using a facial oil in your nighttime routine, then oil cleansing in the morning isn’t always necessary. However, if you have dry skin, using an oil cleanser instead of a gel or milky cleanser in the morning might be a better alternative. It will hydrate your skin while getting rid of any products or sweat from the night before.

 

DHC

Deep Cleansing Oil

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Neutrogena

Cleansing Oil & Makeup Remover

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Step 2: Micellar Water

Cleanse with either a water-based cleanser or do a micellar water rinse by saturating a cotton pad with pure micellar water and sweeping it all over your face and neck.

 

Garnier

Micellar Cleansing Water

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Bioderma

Makeup Remover

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Step 3: Hydrating Toner and Essences

To keep your skin supple and hydrated, use a hydrating toner or essence while your skin is still damp from the micellar water. The key to a hydrated, plump complexion is layers of moisture, so we’ll start with this step: Apply your toner or essence with your hands and pat it into the skin. 

Pacifica

Hydrating Milk Tonic

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Sunday Riley

Firming Resurfacing Essence

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Step 4: Treatment Serums and Ampoules

The typical treatment serum used in daytime skincare is a vitamin C serum, but no matter what types of serums you use, just make sure that the most potent active ingredient goes on first. To save time, I’d recommend a Vitamin C serum combined with hyaluronic acid so you don’t have to spend time layering in the early morning. But if you do choose to layer serums, always apply the hydrating serum after the treatment serum.

 

Hyper Skin

Brightening Vitamin C Serum

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Glow Recipe

Hyaluronic Acid Serum

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Step 5: Eye Cream or Eye Serums

The skin under your eyes is the thinnest on your face, so your eye-specific products need to go on before any heavier moisturizers.

Biossance

Squalane + Marine Algae Eye Cream

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OLEHENRIKSEN

Banana Bright Eye Crème

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Step 6: Moisturizer

There’s no such thing as skin that’s too moisturized, but if you struggle with heavy moisturizer under makeup, consider a gel consistency or a light lotion.

Neutrogena

Hydro Boost Gel-Cream

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Tatcha

The Dewy Skin Cream

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Step 7: SPF

“Sunscreen typically sits on top of your skin or penetrates just into the superficial layers of dead cells,” Dr. Bailey said. This is why you always finish your routine with sunscreen between 30 and 50 SPF. Look for a milky essence consistency or a serum style sunscreen to avoid white cast or caking makeup.

Black Girl Sunscreen

Sunscreen Lotion SPF 30

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SuperGoop!

Sunscreen SPF 40

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Source: Lunya

 

What Order to Apply Your Skincare Products at Night

For nighttime skincare, you need to consider whether or not you want to incorporate a retinol in your routine. Retinol can be a little daunting, so read our full rundown on it here. Nighttime skincare is the time for more serious treatments like retinol and other photosensitizing AHAs like glycolic and lactic acids because a lot of these active ingredients break down in sunlight.

If you want to use both an AHA and retinol, it’s best to alternate their application. Use retinol one night and your AHA the next, and so on, but be careful and go slow because these ingredients are known to cause irritation when you first start them. A typical nighttime skincare routine will look relatively similar to a daytime routine with a few minor tweaks.

 

Step 1: Oil Cleanser

An oil cleanser is always necessary at night, as you will be removing makeup, SPF, environmental pollutants, and the sebum your skin produced during the day. You can use an oil cleanser or a cleansing balm depending on your preferences. 

Good Molecules

Cleansing Balm

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Biossance

Squalane + Antioxidant Cleansing Oil

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Step 2: Gel or Milky Cleanser

To make sure all of the oily residue from your cleansing oil/balm is removed and that your skin is totally clear of makeup, dirt, and oil, opt for a gel or milky cleanser. Gel is great for combination/oily skin or acne-prone skin, while a milky cleanser will clean skin without stripping away all of the moisture on dry skin types. 

The Ordinary

Squalane Cleanser

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Avène

Cleanance Cleansing Gel

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Step 3: Hydrating Toner or Liquid Exfoliator

You can use the same toner or essence you used in the morning to hydrate your skin and prepare it for any of the harsh acid ingredients or retinoids you might use next. You can also use a liquid exfoliant with AHA or BHA during this step. Make sure to not use any other acids in your evening routine and follow this step with a hydrating moisturizer.

The Ordinary

Glycolic Acid 7% Toning Solution

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Paula’s Choice

2% BHA Liquid Exfoliant

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Step 4: AHA/BHA or Retinol

If you used an exfoliator in the last step, skip this one. This is where retinol and AHAs start to come into play. Using AHAs and BHAs at the same time as retinol can be irritating depending on your skin type, so we recommend alternating nights or using AHA/BHA products in the morning and retinol at night to limit irritation. If you aren’t using retinol, this is where you might opt for a glycolic or lactic acid serum or mask that will exfoliate your skin overnight. If retinol is a little too strong for your skin, try a bakuchiol product instead. Always wait until skin is completely dry before applying retinol—usually wait about 20 minutes and then allow your retinol product to fully absorb before moving on.

Versed

Gentle Retinol Serum

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PCA Skin

Retinol Renewal

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If you’re worried about mixing acids yourself, opt for a product that’s already done the ratio for you. 

Allies of Skin

Retinoid Brightening Sleeping Facial

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Shani Darden Skincare

Retinol Reform

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Step 5: Eye Cream

Opt for a heavier formula for nighttime use that focuses on moisturizing and treating the undereye.

RoC

Retinol Correxion Eye Cream

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Shiseido

Wrinkle Smoothing Eye Cream

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Step 6: Moisturizer

“Look for moisturizing creams with ingredients that support your skin barrier such as squalane, ceramides, lipids (oils), glycerin in a cream base matched to your skin type,” Dr. Bailey explained. “This helps to ‘seal the deal’ over your correcting products and helps protect skin from barrier breakdown (irritant dermatitis) and prevent trans-epidermal water loss.” If you have oily skin, you can opt for an oil-free moisturizer (similar to what you used in the daytime), whereas those with dry skin might need a thicker product before bed.

Farmacy

Ceramide Moisturizer

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CeraVe

Skin Renewing Night Cream

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Step 7: Sleeping Mask

Sleeping masks help create a barrier to seal in all of your products and keep your skin optimally hydrated throughout the night. If you like to use a facial oil at night, this would be the step to add it in as well. 

Summer Fridays

Jet Lag Mask

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Origins

Overnight Hydrating Mask

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Step 8: Spot Treatment

If you have any active breakouts, this is when you would apply a spot treatment or a pimple patch (our editors’ favorite way to get rid of a pesky zit). Do not apply any other skincare over a spot treatment, especially retinol.

Hero Cosmetics

Mighty Patch Original Acne Patches

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Alleyoop

All-In-One Blemish Treatment

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Source: Kalos Skincare | Unsplash

 

What Skincare Ingredients to Use Together and Which to Avoid

When you begin to combine the skincare you already own with new things you want to purchase, you need to be careful about which active ingredients you are layering together. Always check to see what the main ingredients in your products are to avoid irritation.

 

The Don’ts

 

Retinol + Glycolic Acid = No… or maybe!

If you have sensitive or reactive skin, these two can be problematic when layered together. If you’re going to use any AHA alongside retinol, be sure to start slow to avoid redness and peeling. Opt for a product that combines small percentages of AHA/BHA with retinol already in the formula.

 

Retinol + Vitamin C = NO! 

It’s often debated as to whether or not the pH of L-ascorbic acid destabilizes retinol and therefore renders it ineffective—so far the jury is still out. However, since retinol makes you more sensitive to sunlight and vitamin C is best worn during the day, it’s best to keep these two separate by applying vitamin C in the morning and retinol at night.

 

Retinol + Benzoyl Peroxide = NO!

This is a combination Dr. Bailey warned against because it can cause dryness and irritation, and the two products can deactivate each other if used together, making them less effective. Retinol is used as an acne treatment (particularly in prescription formulas like tretinoin), but it doesn’t play well with the actives in spot treatments, so be careful if you need to use both. Remember, putting retinol on an active breakout will do nothing to cure it, as retinol works on the deeper layers of skin. Retinol is never to be used as a spot treatment! 

 

Benzoyl Peroxide + AHAs = NO!

These are two exfoliators from different ends of the spectrum, so be careful when combining them, as it’s very easy to stress out your skin by over-exfoliating.

 





Source: Mathilde Langevin | Unsplash

 

The Dos

 

Benzoyl Peroxide + Salicylic Acid = Yes, sometimes. 

For acne-prone skin, using these two together once a week can work wonders on active breakouts or congested pores. If you’re not experiencing either, it’s best to leave these two alone.

 

Vitamin C + Peptides = Yes!

These two go together like champagne and OJ. Peptides are kind of like the hype man of skincare: They’re not that special on their own, but they really rev up the effectiveness of other active ingredients. These short-chain amino acids are the building blocks of the protein that creates collagen and elastin, and they really love antioxidants like vitamin C.

 

Vitamin C + SPF = Yes!

You have to have sun protection during the day—that’s a given—but your SPF does nothing to protect you from environmental pollution and heat-activated free radicals. For this, you need an effective antioxidant like vitamin C.

 

Retinol + Hyaluronic Acid = Yes!

You should always replenish moisture after applying retinol, hence why retinol and hyaluronic acid are a dynamic duo in your skincare routine.

 

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